First spin: It's better to change the nature of a relationship
than lose significant people in your life.
Event: Two ex-boyfriends and I go to a jazz concert together (July, 2010).
Event: Ex's wife & family & our children and my parents
celebrate together our son's willingness to serve (1992).
Second spin: Children usually teach us more than we can ever teach them.
Event: Daughter goes to Sr. Prom with a bunch of independent,
strong-minded girls who are accused of being lesbians
trying to make a statement (which they aren't and weren't,
but would defend to a profound degree ~ they just proudly didn't have boyfriends).
She and her feisty friends, after having to fight their way past
a bunch of uppity, judgmental people who wanted to send them away,
are able to have fun and take a group picture (1994).
Third Spin
Sometimes Everybody Loves Raymond is more important
than Voltaire.
Event: Being drawn into her room every time Mom laughs uproariously (July, 2010).
Fourth spin (borrowed from Michael Ryan):
When the immutable accidents of birth -
parentage, hometown, all the rest -
no longer anchor this fiction of the self
and its incessant I me mine,
the words won't be like nerves on a stump
crackling with messages that end up nowhere
and I'll put on the wind like a gown of light linen
and go be a king in a field of weeds.
kassphoto, Midway, UT 7/2010
(this post inspired by Eryl's latest post)
What different spins are you putting on things lately?
A fascinating post. Fascinating from all sorts of angles. It just occurs to me that you have to take care (as you obviously do)what sort of spin you apply - instance the misguided, judgemental people who wanted to stop the girls.
ReplyDeletePerception and appreciation play important parts defining our experiences...
ReplyDeleteI salute you for you positive bent. : j
As for spinning, I tend to limit my spinning to yarns. A likely tale ; j
Awesome post Kass!!
ReplyDeleteMy life is a spin after another ;) so I stopped resisting them, so I'm trying to enjoy the fun as much as I can.
loveNlight
Gabi
That fourth spin Kass, is exquisite and yours, dated nearly fifteen twenty years ago are also wonderful.
ReplyDeleteAnd then I think, goodness not much has changed.
My sixteen year old is battling with the powers that be at her school because the girls are not allowed to bring along a female partner.
It's against tradition, the teachers say: girls bring boys to school formals.
It's worse at the boys school.
At the corresponding boys school, my sixteen year old tells me, if a boy wants to take another boy to the formal, he must go with his parents first to see the school counselor and declare himself gay.
Needless to say, no one bothers.
And this in 2010, in Melbourne Australia.
Will we never learn?
This is a negative spin, I know, Kass, but it boils me up.
Thanks.
This is such a brilliant, thought provoking, illuminating post. How I admire your daughter and her friends for that stance. And you, your ability to see the positive and spin it into such luxurious cloth: more than admirable.
ReplyDeleteLove the poem too. I'm not sure if I know of Michael Ryan.
I look forward to trying to put a change of perspective in action someday. I'm notoriously cynical. I'm not sure I can pull it off.
ReplyDeleteYou are food for my battered soul. I think I am finding that you can be gracious, and have such sweet moments of true blessings, when you lean into grief... instead of trying to run from it... I never envisioned anything but sobs and profound loss... but I find myself celebrating a life well lived.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to say which path we need to take if we never try it and see how it works.I like being someone who marches to a different drum, people who can't handle it seemingly fade away.Love the poem, because I am content standing in a field of flowers.Thanks for the splendid captions.
ReplyDeletesaid spins have hit me lately as well. people come into our lives not always for the purpose we think, or perhaps the purpose changes. keeping an open mind and heart helps tremendously. reading your words help, also.
ReplyDeletemy ex husband and ex b/f both count me as their best friend. there's a spin.
as far as the prom situation- where i live the kids are encouraged to attend dances and proms with whatever combo they prefer. it's been a non-issue here. i was fascinated (and dismayed) to read of experiences elsewhere. whew!
I loved this post! Great photos to!
ReplyDeleteHappy day to you!
hughugs
"It's better to change the nature of a relationship
ReplyDeletethan lose significant people in your life."
I agree with this with all my heart. All who were ever important to me remain important.
All whom I ever loved remain loved.
The nature(s) of the relationships have changed, sometimes dramatically. It takes two to find a new direction. Some choose not to search/participate.
But for me, all that was ever true remains true.
I'm sorting yarn right now ... and finding your spins helpful.
ReplyDeleteDAVE - You're so right. We have a choice as to which direction we spin.
ReplyDeleteALESA - I like the way you spin.
GABI - I think you're quite the expert at setting yourself on the axis where you want to spin and then enjoying the ride.
ELISABETH - It's not a negative spin. It's a necessary one. If people didn't get upset, then nothing would change.
ReplyDeleteERYL - Thanks, but you really started the top spinning with your puke bucket. I don't know anything about Michael Ryan either. This poem was at the beginning of a chapter in a book I'm reading, Roads Home by Kathryn D. Cramer, Ph.D.
bring the center of the spin into the center of yourself, and all is steady and calm. move towards the edges, and blurred confusion sets in. not to mention, dizziness!
ReplyDeleteVery beautiful and heart warming to hear people, you, Kass, and some of the commenters above, having the maturity and goodness to continue relationships with people even as they have changed dramatically and the parameters of your lives have changed -- to remain in the orbit, spinning through your lives together is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteJULIE - Your cynicism and honesty are refreshing!
ReplyDeleteVICKY - I love this idea of leaning into grief. I think you would understand the sweetness and tenderness inherent in being with a parent at this stage of life.
OUT ON THE PRAIRIE - That's a pretty interesting statement about people who fade away from your differently beating drum. Why would we want anybody around who can't dance to our beat?
I commend your daughter, and think it's nice that your exes are still in your life.
ReplyDeleteNow, I have a personel question...er...um...ahem...Whose bare feet?
Just curious.
SHERRY - I'm going to defer to what June said here: "...to remain in the orbit, spinning through your lives together is wonderful." Ex-hubby is somewhere out there in the parameter with Neptune (or until 1999, Pluto). We've been kind to each other when it mattered and that is HUGE to me.
ReplyDeleteSo happy to hear of your prom situation. Montana - who would have thunk?
DONNA - Thanks for stopping by. I wish I knew which one of your blogs you want me to follow.
ReplyDeleteJONAS - I kind of figured you wouldn't give up on people easily - no matter what form the relationship takes. One of my Xes is not in my life at all, but I still love what I loved about him.
SUSAN - Glad I could be helpful.
STANDING - I know what you mean about the periphery. To be centered when you're spinning is crucial.
ReplyDeleteJUNE - That's a beautifully worded comment. I referred to it in my response to Sherry, but I think I meant to write perimeter instead of parameter.
KIRK - The feet belong to some random girl at the concert.
"JONAS - I kind of figured you wouldn't give up on people easily..."
ReplyDeleteI'm just being selfish. I don't want people to give up on me.
Reading this post was a little like staring at the sun for me right now but you're a great spin doctor!
ReplyDeleteThis is so personal, but then again, what blog isn't? I'm looking at houses I can afford on my own for some reasons I'm embarrassed to say. I'm looking at it as an adventure and investment rather than consider what is happening in my personal life as a failure.
ReplyDeleteANONYMOUS - You're right. It is very personal and perhaps a bit misleading. Sometimes the change you make in a relationship is in your head. Amiable splits are difficult. Most ends of relationships are traumatic. Civility is the nature of my relationship with some exes.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure you'll come back to read this, but, whoever you are, I hope you get things sorted out and stop being embarrassed for being human. There's an email address on my profile page if you want to vent.
While considering my prospective knee replacement...I saw a pair of Goldfinches in my birdbath. They weren't even thinking about their little knees...so why am I??
ReplyDeleteMARY ANNE - Were you thinking of the Goldfinches' knees or yours? Either way, it's totally understandable.
ReplyDeleteI like your spins especially the first one. Significant people are important to our growth. As long as there is still love and respect, they are important. As far as your making a statement at your senior prom I say bravo. Very interesting post and I like your thought process. Oh, I forgot to mention you and two ex's at a jazz concert :) this is a "g" rated blog so I won't comment. Sorry, my mind has been in the gutter these last couple of days :D
ReplyDeletePS I meant your daughter making a statement, not you. I can't type today.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant post.
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful to see that love reigns in your heart and life.
one love.
It's fascinating the way the first spin and second spin teach To accept folk as they are. Change happens.
ReplyDeletePOETIC SHUTTERBUG - I can see where your mind is going, but light-hearted social engagements are the only kind of trois I can ménage.
ReplyDeleteSE'LAH - Just to set the record straight, I don't always feel this way.
TAG - Yes change is inevitable. To do anything but accept it is a form of violence against yourself.
Spin of the past few days...seeing aspects of my former spouse, now deceased, in a more compassionate light, finding that a memory, such as a singer, a song, makes me look for the good that was there. And adding Michael Ryan's piece to your spins...the parentage, hometown, events, partners...sometimes they do feel like the succession of vehicles that carried me here, the place I was meant to be. King in a field of weeds.
ReplyDeleteMARYLINN - "...a singer, a song." - Oh, if you only knew how music cuts right through me. Sometimes I can't bear to listen.
ReplyDeleteYours was a poetic comment - stands on its own right. Very touching.
I'm so happy to read your positive spins, they made me smile!
ReplyDeleteLet's see... my most recent spin is... "I am not homeless. I am CAMPING!" :o) It's working so far and I am having a great time!
(for the record... I'm only "camping" until September, I'm not genuinely homeless!)
KRISTA - I think it sounds exciting to camp for over a month in the Yukon. Think of all the photo ops.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great and thoroughly positive post this is. Sorry I'm so late in responding to it, Kass!
ReplyDeleteLove it! Very timely for me too - I was just reading '100 ways to be happy' yesterday but it's stuff we should already know - that so much depends on how you look at things and not the things themselves. 8-)
ReplyDelete