Monday, September 20, 2010
Oh, The Ignominy of It All
I watch the tiny rise and fall of life as she sleeps.
I see her perk up when visited and fed by my angel friend, Cathy.
I have an encounter with a friend who is unable to accept my affection and gratitude and I struggle to not blame, grasp and justify either of our behaviors. What I make of the people who appear in my life, as well as the circumstances, thoughts, emotions and contradictions is up to me. I realize the sweet kiss of freedom is a concept in my mind and I can surrender to not knowing how my life will be used. I realize that trusting thoughts, events and people has been disillusioning and part of my story (always the Drama Queen). Most of my story has been a lie of protection and safety. I remind myself of favorite lines from books that encourage me to not identify with whatever is bothering me, but to engage in what is effortlessly present. "Freedom is the essential nature of consciousness, and consciousness is the source of individual awareness." from The Diamond in Your Pocket by Gangaji
No condition can be labled ignominious when looked at with the natural curiosity that develops when old concepts are released. It is just a thought. I can change my thoughts (but probably not Mom's). I can stop searching for something to rescue me from myself. I am free.
(Top picture taken by Dad while serving on his mission in Germany. All other photos, taken by me)